Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
