I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
