i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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