Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
