Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
