Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize