Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
