did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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