So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize