god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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