I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
