4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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