Im at strip club and am horny
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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