today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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