I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Randomize
