i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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