Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
