I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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