my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
