How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
