So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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