Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
