Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize