am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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