I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My dick has a subreddit
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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