our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
