My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
