just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
home. puking in laundry basket.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
