Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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