Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
