GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
