For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
