Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
