I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
