His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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