I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
