Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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