i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
