She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
