The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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