I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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