I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
