I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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