Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize