My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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