Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
