LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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