OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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