I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I need to calm my uterus...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
