I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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