Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
