What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
a search helicopter?!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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