I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
