bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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