My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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