I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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