From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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