I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
