no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
