We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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