Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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