My hand turned me down
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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