I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
