Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
