I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
