Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
