Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
