whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
