no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
