white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
