Whod you bang
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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