i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
