I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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