I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
