Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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