we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
