Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
