i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
