Old men and throwing up are my life now.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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