insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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