Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
