No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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