He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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