Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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