He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
