yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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