Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
