I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
