i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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