Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
