seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
