I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize