Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
