Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You can't special order awesome
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
