I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
