Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
True strength comes from lack of pants
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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