peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
