she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
