he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize