That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
