Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
