I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
