yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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