i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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