I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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