he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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