my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize