Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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