Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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