New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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