I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
