Heybabeimwearingurpanties
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
