i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Randomize
