please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
