You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
