i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
